After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.