Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm sobbing to NWA
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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