Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
Terrible brother advice.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
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why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
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I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up