i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin