this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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