when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
