When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Enjoy the penises
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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