The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
