is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
soo... how was my night?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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