he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
