eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
