She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
