i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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