Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
