some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Holy sore nipples Batman
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
