Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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