she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
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I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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