please come you make the beer taste better
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
