nut hugger
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
