She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
