my phone needs a breathalizer
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
