Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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