I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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