Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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