Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Slut skills are useful in every country.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
