the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
