i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
