There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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