i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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