its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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