Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
