I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
