I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
