We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
