I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
