This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
