everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Randomize
