i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
