It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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