I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
