We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
