I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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