Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
