i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
