Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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