just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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