I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
