Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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