chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
