I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
