My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
