Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
