My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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