$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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