This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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