I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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