i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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