Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize