Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
