why didn't you poke me back
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize