zippers are such a cool invention
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
