You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize